Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
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