You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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