youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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