He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Randomize