Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize