we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
