I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
