his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
