its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
