i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize