I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
