I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize