he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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