so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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