I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
