I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Randomize
