he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
this is an emotional support booty call
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
