so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize