Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
