I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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