I am puke
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
