I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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