There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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