coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Randomize
