Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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