what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
