hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
