are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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