Duck Duck Cougar?
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize