I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
