We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Randomize
