The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
