My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
ok first of all what the fuck
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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