yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
We named our party play list daddy issues
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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