True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Sober January is a disaster.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
