I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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