I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
