Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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