I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
