I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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