Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
