Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
