Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
