if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I just pynch a tree in the face
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize