soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize