hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
