Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
