I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
