I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
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