Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
