i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
