accomplished twins. life is a go
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Randomize
