last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
