Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
