I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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