I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I think we might need a safe word for this...
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize