I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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