I feel great
I just peed on a car
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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