I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
