Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
