I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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