Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
