I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Randomize
