Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
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