ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
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