Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
