The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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