Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
