I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
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