Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize