People with herpes should wear stickers.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
