I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
This house was built for laser tag.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
