Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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