I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
