Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
