Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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