I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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