The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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