1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Boobs speak an international language.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
