i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
i think i have herpe
just one?
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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