Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
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