the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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