this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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