I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
