Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I want to fling myself into the sun
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
