Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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