Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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