I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
