someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Randomize
