this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
