I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
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